Gen Z women are rethinking their sex lives. In the midst of the rampant sexuality portrayed in the media and entertainment–think Netflix and ubiquitous steamy sex scenes—and fed up with “dehumanizing” relationships with men, some Gen Z women are taking sex off the table.
The idea of a nonreligious “celibacy era” or “celibacy journey” is gaining steam on social media. Many of the young women are saying that it’s empowering and “healing.” Some experts may not agree with them.
For some, it’s a statement against casual sex, a defiant rejection of men who they feel value them only for their bodies. To others, it’s a means to recover from bad hookups or bad relationships.
For these women, “celibacy is kind of like a return to femininity and tenderness and care and softness that they did not feel safe enough or comfortable enough to feel in their past relationships,” Sabrina Flores, a trauma-informed relationship coach, told Insider. “It’s not only a total reclamation of bodily autonomy, but also sexual autonomy.”
The movement has taken off on TikTok, where #celibacyjourney has nearly 40 million views, and videos of women discussing celibacy garner hundreds of thousands of views and hundreds of comments. While some men have posted about it, the majority of posts appear to be from young, heterosexual women — often seeking to address the role that patriarchy and misogyny has played in their sexuality, Flores said.
In interviews with four celibate Gen Z women, all told Insider that their choice didn’t primarily stem from religious beliefs. Instead, they hoped to reevaluate their relationship with men. Others are simply abstaining until they feel they’re ready to experience intimacy again.
However, some therapists and researchers told Insider that long-term celibacy may not be the healthiest way to cope with negative sexual experiences. But the four women interviewed by Insider said that the experience has shifted their perspective on sex.
“I finally got to a point where I was like, ‘I’m done being a toy,'” Blackman told Insider. “I can choose not to give my body to someone, and I can choose to take back my power.”
Statistics show that young people are having less sex than they used to. Insider previously reported that a 2021 study from researchers at Rutgers University and the University at Albany found that 18- to 23-year-olds were having significantly less casual sex than people of the same age were a decade ago. A recent survey of more than 10,000 users of the dating app Bumble found that 34% of respondents were not having sex.
Researchers have posited that the rise in sexlessness could be linked to decreasing alcohol consumption among young people and an increase in time spent on social media. But for the young celibate women interviewed by Insider, it’s a direct reaction to feeling oversexualized and undervalued by their male counterparts.
Some experts say there are more downsides than there are benefits to this new trend. “When women say, ‘I don’t want anything to do with men,’ they’re giving up an opportunity,” agreed the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, who has studied sex and dating for decades and is the chief science advisor for Match.com. “They’ve got very little to lose, and if they handle it properly, a great deal to win. I mean, they could win life’s greatest prize, which is an amazing partner.”
Celibacy advocates argue that they’re not trying to avoid relationships altogether, but are instead resetting from interactions that have left them feeling emotionally drained, as a way to build better boundaries in looking for a new partner down the road and a healthier respect for their own bodies.
